Dearest Blue,
You are gone from me here, gone from the flesh again! It has been almost 8 months since that tragic morning. I miss you here on Earth. I really need you and wish you were here.
I was blogging about the first time I remember meeting you in my bedroom in New Orleans, LA when I was a child. You were too a child in this dimension and living in Illinois at the time. In fact, you were just up the Mississippi River in East Moline and Silvis, Illinois.
I have found out a lot about us and your visits still help me remember more everyday. I keep writing.
I feel so broken without you here, to look at, to touch, to speak to, to see. I am trying to live my life and what has become of it since you left here. It truly is a shambles.
My every moment is filled with thoughts of you, memories & feelings. My heart cells, each, starve and search for something that is lost in time. Again.
I waited 46 years to see and hold you this time and I only had you for a brief period. I am grateful for that brief period surely, but IT WASN'T ENOUGH.
Yes, I knew when you manifested into my life this time that you were terminally ill and suffering. You didn't want me to fall in love with a dying man but that was unavoidable because you breathed and existed. That is all it takes for my love for you to find you. It's like a beacon, always calling me, wherever you are. The further away, the more painful the longing for you, my soul cries.
I am not sure that I can or even want to live here without you. You were supposed to take me along, remember? That was the deal - when you go, I go; not for the sake of some Romeo & Juliet romantic scenario but for the fact that my soul is also your soul and apart, well, it hurts.
The pain invades my soul and my very being. Some days, I cannot even brush my teeth because time alludes me, dragging on endlessly without you.
I tried to follow, but alas, I am stuck here. Unlike you I am not adjudicated terminally ill, so my options aren't as yours were. Although, your death appears to have dated me in so many ways. I feel as if death sentence has been imposed upon me; yet, I have not been told my sentence date. I didn't ask for appeal and somehow still got pardoned in order to fulfill something left yet unfinished.
Why did you leave me behind, all alone?
You told me once of my father visiting you that night at your father's lands. You said what he had to say would not make me happy. You said later that week an angel visited you too and that you were going to go when she returned and that it would hurt me. I guess she came and I guess she was the Angel of Death.
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